My Worst Nightmare!!

One day, about 2 years ago, I hear my son calling my name from his bedroom. It's rather faint, but he's still hollering for me. Mind you, my kids NEVER yell for me, it's rude, so I knew something must be up.

"Mommmm"
"Mommmmmmmmmmm"
"There's a SNAKE in my room"
"Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"

I get close, but not too close, to his bedroom door and ask him what he said.

"There's a SNAKE in my room"

I feel the freak out starting. I grab a phone.. look at it.. wonder who to call! I start doing the "I'm TERRIFIED of SNAKES dance" in the kitchen (it kinda looks like I'm jogging in place but my knees are going way up and my arms are shaking frantically). Then I run outside, look around, trying to see if there is some human life form out there who can rescue us from this dismal situation!!! There's no one in sight! I run back into the house for a second, then I run back outside. I look across the street at the neighbors house. Jim and Connie lived there until about two weeks prior to the SNAKE day. Jim ALWAYS rescued me when things happened, but they sold their house to these new folks. Folks I didn't know. I run to the house of rescue anyway, thinking... well... maybe they're like Connie and Jim!

KNOCK KNOCK 'DOORBELL RING' KNOCK KNOCK

This man answers the door and before he can say a word, I, speaking a million words a minute, blurt out:

"I know you don't know me but ARE YOU SCARED OF SNAKES??? I live across the street and Connie and Jim used to save me but they're gone now and you're here and I need your help! There's a SNAKE in my son's bedroom, HELP ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????"

Keep in mind, I'm still doing this psychotic "I'm TERRFIED of SNAKES dance" while I'm talking to this man who I had NEVER met. He must have thought I was nuts!!! He told me he wasn't afraid of snakes and to just let him put on a pair of shoes and he'd be right over. I told him to let himself into the house.

I run back home to see if my son (who is trapped) is still alive!!! Not only is he alive, but he made it out of his bedroom. YAY!!!! The snake was in a shoe behind his bedroom door. It had been hissing at him for a while before I heard his faint YELLS for me!!

My neighbor comes in the house, goes into my sons room to access the situation, then comes back out...

"Do you have a flashlight? I want to see what type it is before I reach my hand down to pick it up."

I gave him a flashlight.

He comes back out a minute later with the SNAKE in his BARE hands!!! It's a FREAKIN MONSTER... must have been at LEAST 20 FEET LONG (slight exaggeration.. it was really only like 3 feet long..but to me it looked 20). I'm in the kitchen.. STILL doing the DANCE... and he starts talking to me!!!!! WAS HE NUTS??? I'm like..

"GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE PLEASEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

He takes it outside and lets it go. I thank him profusely!!

Now, what does the little f*cker do??? He goes around to the back of my house, to the glass doors, and starts rubbing up against them! It seems he WANTS BACK IN! Was he KIDDING??????

You may wonder how the snake got into my house in the first place. Well, I USED to leave my glass doors cracked about a foot so the dogs could come in and go out as they pleased. I kept the vertical blinds shut so not too much of the heat got in, or air conditioning got out. I never in a million years thought something ELSE would come in! Something I did NOT give PERMISSION to!!! How DARE that snake!!! Needless to say, I no longer keep those doors open!!!

I bought my neighbor across the street a huge cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory as a gift for his kindness! I still don't know his name, I think I'll just call him Jim.